sJhOeAnNg

2008-07-31T16:13:00.001+08:00

look me up back again at shengnehs.blogspot.com

=)

-jingsheng

2008-07-03T22:36:00.002+08:00

many things happen everyday.
it can happen to me you or anyone...
but recently it jus happened to happen on me...

tell me why?

jealousy kills...

2008-07-02T13:56:00.005+08:00

love me for a reason
let the reason be love

2008-06-29T02:04:00.002+08:00

so many things happen today! its really a WOW.

but what really got me thinking is this sentence my friend told me,

"like wad i say, too many things happening in the outside world. yet in the army world, it's a simple equation. endure tru all = i get to spend nice and quality time with my love ones.
so juz be a good teacher and mark him correct for that equation yeah? =)"

yeapp. good day!
i like. clear so many things.
so happy!

hmmm...

2008-06-26T22:15:00.002+08:00

ha. been thinking alot these days. and i realise humans will never get satisfied with what they have, be it their partner, good friends, and whatever status they have. is it so difficult to achieve satisfaction?what i want now will never be the same as what i want 5 years later. hmm good? i dont know, n i don wanna know.
there are more to come, more to explore, more to discover. i wanna experience it all. can i?
there's so much that i wanna do and achieve. but whats stopping me? who is limiting my power? is it myself? i really dono.

i wanna travel.
i want to be free like a bird.

i think commitment is such a scary thing.

is the new always better than the old?
sigh

2008-06-24T23:21:00.002+08:00

ooohhh~~
no work.
yeah man.

i need a little love
& alot of understanding.

2008-05-24T11:26:00.002+08:00

i miss studying.. do you?

im so bored...
i shall take this time to sleep.
nights.

2008-05-11T00:52:00.002+08:00

AH HA! im back again...

tad princess of mine has gone for some basic facil trg...
oh man...
miss her so much...
wonder hows she's coping...im VERY WORRIED u tis kuku princess...

to mr goh rk...
anything please let me know...
im always there to help!!! except on the days when im on shift...haha

im falling sick...AH SHIT.

anw...class outing was PATHETIC jus now...
but at least caught up with song n bong.
bong's not my jc classmate but my sec sch... we pulled him along for pool n ended up not playing pool...
went to macs n lakopi n talked.
cool.

anw.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LAWTER SONGGIEST AND SGT GOH JIN HAN.
BEST WISHES.

jo's birthday is coming soon...

2008-05-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

i talked to 2 persons recently.
one taught me to understand and empathise others.
another made me more confused with what's she've been doing/saying.
i wanna ask. but im afraid that it will backfire.

lets just hope everything would be fine=)
BUT its not healthy to hope!

jingjing will have a great week ahead!
i'll have a great week ahead!

loves

2008-05-03T01:35:00.002+08:00

sometimes i just feel very helpless when jingjing complains to me abt his duty shifts, like how he is feeling, how is he coping with his offs duty n shifts.
i feel helpless because i do not know how i could be a better support for him.
and if im doing enough n right for him.
all these qns are popping through my mind.and the only answer tt came out of my mind was what sheena told me "trust"
as much as i want to, i cant. ok. shld be struggling/learning to trust.
i want to trust that im doing/handling well, but results seems to be of the opposite...

but overall, i had an enjoyable week=)
snn chalet! anni celebration!
woah. snn chalet was damn.. GOOD. enriching,insightful and heart connecting. MAGICAL is the word. SNN is MAGIC! its just so amzing for all of us to open up so easily n safely even not seeing each other for 10,000 yrs.
we also get to "hoosen up ur buttons" thanks to BENJAMINE =)
ooohhh i just love sheenananananananananana

jingjing gave me ALOT of garlic bread as my 1yr present!
in return i gave him CUP NOODLES!! the newest brand!
haha. actually he wrapped all the present in aluminium foil which made it look like GARLIC BREAD. (but i really give him cup noodles!!whahaha but he LOVES it!)
i received a striking green nike water bottle (which yvonnelimzhiwen accidentally dropped on the floor when her FAT ASS hit it.grumbles!=p ), also a customed made COUPLE shirt !jingjing DESIGNED it!!! whoolalala. oh ya, he also give me his Heart=) whahaha
we went for spore flyer! its good! scenery + air con + jingjing! yeah=)
ohh!!! jingjing went to learn guitar! to SING for me=)
sweet uh? =)
lovehim

sat meeting my councillors!!! =) iron man-ing=)
seeing merv merv n renkai!!!! so long nv see them=)
hahahaha

2008-04-24T12:08:00.002+08:00

ho!
its been a long time since ive blogged.
haha
trying to adapt to my new life now.

new life:
to work 24hrs a day and rest 24hrs the next day. and it will go on and on till 240110.
and there is no such things as weekends and public holidays. sometimes i can even forget which day it is. the only attraction is the leave scheme.
its complicated. :S

anyone want to trade with my new life?

true enough, i will miss out lots of things, miss out important days.
but i will try to make it up for them. (okie jo'an? i promise)

alrights.

im so bored.
im so bored.
im so bored.

i ought to go back to the study life.

save me. im drowning!!! =(

2008-04-13T23:44:00.002+08:00

shit happens.
so? suck thumb lor.

QnA.
what exactly does the word 'friend' means?

i was stunned. =

anw. i still love my jo'an.
the day is coming...so eggciting!

2008-04-08T23:30:00.001+08:00

who respects?
who listens?
who appreciates?

fuck.
FUCK!

its really getting on my nerves...
i need to shout...

2008-03-27T23:52:00.001+08:00

i do not have a sad life.

i just wanna rant & complain.

=)

2008-03-27T23:45:00.001+08:00

IM DAMN FREAKING ANGRY.

ANGRY WITH MY STJOHN MATES.
ANGRY WITH MY EX CLASSMATES OF THAT IDIOTIC SECONDARY SCHOOL.

ASS

firstly i got left out by SJM. reason they gave me was like C.R.A.P.
"no need call jo'an she's busy with HER student council."
u know what?
they STUPIDLY repeated the same bloody reason even up till now.
WHAT A JOKE.
i graduated alr lor.
brainless
cant they use a better excuse to not call me?
LOSERS.
mega losers (worst TYPE losers defined by yvon)

2ndly i got PS-ed by my sec4 classmates.
tried to be nice by organising a gathering
just a dinner gathering
though it wasnt like planned properly with proposals n protocols
but i msged the WHOLE CLASS = 42 ppl = 42 msg like more than twice.
guess what?
NONE = ZERO = NIL replied
how sad can it get..
got the wrong no?
bullshit
42 wrong nos?
cant be

ass.

i don mind organising.
i don mind.
really.
but if this is what i get in return
i rather be termed MIA by them

im just feeling damn angry, damn sad, damn disappointed right now
but i guess i'll recover soon since i've my lovely regular concillors with me.

someone told me to just focus on the haves n not the haves not.
okay.

im fine.

2008-03-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

i cant take it anymore.
i need to release.
im gonna explode alr.

it has been bugging me ever since i recived that call.
no wonder they say ignorance its bliss.
im like so damn agreeing with it la.

fuck

i give u 2 choices?

1. be a clown
2. be forgotten

i choose 1.

at least a clown makes ppl smile.
n at least a clown is PAID!

talk abt openess.

fuck man.

im just damn pissed now.
with who.
with what.

myself. f.

i wanna share.of cos i wanna share.
all these shit that i've been going through.
of cos i wanna share.
but who listens?
listen.yah just listen.
who acts after listening.
nobody.
nobody.
nobody.

maybe only js.
n yah
i told myself that my world shouldnt just revolve around js.
im wrong.

i always make mistakes.

i wanna improve things, change my mentality etc.
but i always come back to square one
a man said," just keep trying until the square becomes a circle.."
what a joke.
i know a square can never becomes a circle.

ass.

i wanna see a rainbow.
i really want.

im just an ordinary girl
n i get satisfied easily.

2008-03-24T13:13:00.001+08:00

have been talking to quite a number of great people for the past few days, n wow they got me thinking.alot.
thinking. NOT emo-ing. i realise alot of things, self discovery, n about the people around me. somehow it sets me thinking whether im good enough? n have i given enough? not that i wan people to appreciate me, but rather i want people to feel appreciated by ME! but i dono how to. my actions ALWAYS contradicts the way i think. empty talk? thats what im describing. im not bringing myself down, neither do i feel lousy abt my myself, i just dono how to express my so- called 'love' out to the people ard me?
i do acknowledge myself, but i don have to make it a habit so much so that im loving myself too much n in turn take the people around me for granted. "NO" u replied, but i think n yes im afraid that i'll.
do i have self confidence?i think im building on it n its not IT that is stopping me from growing.
i dono what.
i searching for an answer.n i need,i believe that my friends can help me by TELLING ME how they feel. is it important? yes it is, at least to me it is. many a times, they think their opinions are unimportant,but to a person like ME, i want to know how they feel cos they are important to me! i mean they just don understand it. im not demanding or expecting them to tell me EVERY SINGLE thing, all im requesting is to tell me their opinion of ME!!
i mean rather of thinking that their opinions might somehow somewhat become a burden, why not see it as they matter alot to ME!im not blaming them for not saying out, cos maybe it just me? an issue of trust between them n me?i'll work on it.but like what i always say, it takes two.
well. no harm trying la.
i mean i know i have friends,good friends.best friends. but i really wanna extend this level of friendship that i own..deeper if i dare to dream. but somehow, it got me thinking whats stopping this development? i rmb in pri school, during some moral ed lesson, teacher lim asked, "what makes up the foundation of a true friendship?" honesty?biasedness?give n take?care?concern?
i wonder where do all these values (positive) go to now that we're older?

well. im NOT NOT NOT pinpointing any any of my Friends. uknowiknow. its just my thoughts. my experience now.
don worry, im ok, im not emoing.

i read this somewhere, n i think it very applicable to everyone.

' Because u care does not mean you have to care alone'

jingjing, sorry for not listening (according to ur defn) to what u've to say this 10 months. lols
i'll listen to what u say, let u complain,whine,rant n any other thing u want ok?

who's responsible?
"ME"

loves

2008-03-23T23:54:00.003+08:00

hellos hellos hellos!!!

block leave is ending...in fact i guess by the time i post this entry is the end of my block leave.
6 days in hcmc, vietnam.
it was an eyeopener. seriously.
and also to give a lil treat to myself who have not gone for a holiday since primary 3.
best part of hcmc is sightseeing and food lar i shld say.
its definitely not a place for guys to shop.
i only spend like sgd17 on shopping.
the rest goes to food cab fare etc etc.

tgt w me my beloved jo'an, goodiegoodpal grk and auntymakk.
it was fun lar i shld say.
the apartment was great, very singapore.

roads are busy like crapp.
motorbikes are like "free".
helmets for sale everywhere.
raw vege for pho seems "free" too.
the saltiness level is to the max.
when its time for sweetness, its to the max too.
pollution level is outstanding enough to choke your lungs cos there is no trees there at all.
it really seemed like everything there is "free".

cuchi tunnel was wow.
saigon river ferry trip turns out to be a buffet lunch.
museums are hot to the very max cos there is no air con at all.
ben thanh mkt is my fav. 6 days in hcmc, 5 days we went there to shop.
shop till we squeezed every single part of the market. haha.

anyway for photos, please visit auntymak's blog.
yeah...

enough of hcmc.

after that. back to homeland.
clean and green. air is fresh and cooling.

one word. shiok.

so slacked ard these few days...
spent time w my family, friends and of cos princess jojo.
pitstop was great.
outing w the 29th is always outstanding.
yeah.
oh thanks mer for that wonderful gift! v much appreciated!

oh. i dint spend much time alone...
not to emo of cos but to self reflect.
anyway...

i jus feel that time really fly like mad.
a few moments i tot i jus walked into tekong for the first time.
the next moment, im posted to a new unit.
yeah.
hope my vocation is fine! =)
im a RP! woo! seems eggciting.

alrights.
this is to my dearie.
again, please take care of yourself while im away.
now that you are not working, you must be more independent n stop spending k?
money dont come that easily.
then, goodluck for your uni application! sure get in de la! no worries!
(goodluck to all my friends too!)
hmm. i guess thats all.

i love you jo'antan! =)

P.S.: starbucks today was great although there are bits of xyz moments.

to all out there. smilesmore and takecare (esp grk who is suffering from stomach pain)!

peace-

2008-03-10T15:23:00.002+08:00

heck the results!
care the trip!
going vietnam with jingsheng, xuewei & renkai.
whee
daddy sponsoring me for the trip.maybe half the trip
leaving on the 13th
coming back on the 18th

anyway, my daddy is quite a MCP la.
but he's nice, at least to me=) and my family
he's quite nice to negotiate la i think.

ya. so for those going with him
don be afraid of him ok=)

i miss jingsheng!
n i miss school so much. i miss ny

2008-03-04T19:28:00.002+08:00

ohwells.
might be wondering why tis idol of yours is out on a tues eh?
yea its a BOOKOUT!!! WOO!!!
YEAH YEAH YEAH.
but...the bookout lasts for 3.5hours.
but still its better den nothing. WOO!!!

its really pure highness. the moment we got off the fastcraft...we ran.
yes. RAN.

so happy so happy =)

oh...results out on fri. its like so so so scary...
i dunno how will i do. i dunno how im feeling now too.
but i know there isnt any much confidence.
im SKET-ed.=(

alrights.
to all those out there getting results on fri.
i wish you all the best of luck! =)

this is to my baby.
she hasnt been feeling good the past few days...
i know i know. i heard n i can feel.
she is tired.
she is feeling emotional.
n i know i failed as a boyfriend.

i cant be there to protect her when she needed me most.
i cant even comfort her over the phone.
all i know was to vent my frustrations.
wtf.
im not sensitive at all to her feelings.
wad the hell m i doing???

i think ive changed.
i became so much impatient towards her.
i need to bring the love back.
i need to.

i am sorry my dearest jo'an.
sorry sorry.

back to camp.
less time with the one i love.
doesnt mean i love her any lesser though.

2008-03-04T17:18:00.000+08:00

haha.

i've recovered!!!

anyway.i've found a new remedy!!

appreciate urself.
respect urself.
love urself.

i just finished writting 100 GOOD THINGS ANOUT MYSELF
extended version of Lye's request of 50 to 100
i never knew i was that good.
whooo

i wanna go for BFT.
yeah man.

i love sheena!!
wheee

happy birthday daddy!!
thannks for being my father.
my teacher.
my atm.

love myself
love jingjing
love my friends
loves my family
love singapore

results out on fri.
cross my fingers**
good luck everyone!

2008-03-04T16:14:00.005+08:00

i just cant put my feeling n emotions into words.

im afraid of losing
what i have now.
what i used to have.
and what i cant have.

im not pressurizing myself.im not
im just not ready for a change.
why cant anybody understand?
why do everybody keep telling me its wrong?

ya.so what if its wrong?
its just me.
why cant u guys just accept it?respect my decision?

i miss jingsheng.i know he would support me.i just know.

im not emo-ing
im just struggling with my own emotions n thoughts.
n i just need some form of release. i guess i'll be ok after some time.

-paranoid kills it all

2008-03-01T22:28:00.002+08:00

whoooo..
damn tired.feels like a old lady now.my back is aching.my knee is hurting. ouch

im glad i attended this level camp. im glad i did. its was a brand new, yet powerful experience i had today.
01/03/08 was not just OUR 10th month together,but it was the day that many once-a-lost-soul became brave.n iknow they will continuing being brave, simply cos of who they are- a fighter.
im proud to have them as my friends.i really do.

the bravest girls i know today cried.
im happy i was given this chance to cry together with them.

i found my real friends.and i hope the ppl out there will find theirs too.

thanks for making my day by allowing me to know u guys a level higher -
sheena,yvonnelim,xuewei mak,renkai & shaojie.

haha. anyway. on a lighter note, i realise that today, just now during the pushing aka blocker game, i didnt take out my ring.

the ring that connects us.

i dont know why either, n the thing i wasnt aware that im wearing it. i took out my watch, my bracelet, but not that. shrugs.
haha, think it have become part of my body, rather than an accessory?
yeah. it has.

to my beloved sister- thanks for being who u are, although we have many cold wars, but i know i always respect n love u as my sister. thanks for being such a great support all these while. n i hope u'll let me continue to support u.

God is fair

-happy happy happy

2008-02-24T14:27:00.002+08:00

wait. im a real man now.
its jojo who is still a small lil girl who requires excessive love care concern and GUIDANCE.

no.1 : she cant take care of herself
no.2 : get lost easily
no.3 : keep spending n not save up
no.4 : sleep late and not get enough rest and after tad start to scold ppl
no.5 : STILL cannot control temper

okie its too long a list i need to stop.

n to all those fans out there who read my blog and cant wait for my entries...
i urge u not to be too disappointed cos i will be passing out in 2 weeks time.

n HOLY SHIT. STOP THE EMO THING!
im gonna catch every single emo kid n put u in tekong den you know!

i shall hire alligator vonlim to be my anti-emo ambassador on mainland.
wait till she bites.

im forced to type this.
i oh so miss you friends...
awww...

but the fact is HE DOES!!!! AND I DIDNT FORCE HIM.

alrights my friends.
take care and smiles! =)

seriously. we are only 18. there is nothing much to emo bout.
leave it til you are older. okiee?

-peace

P.S. I LOVE JO'AN

2008-02-22T20:17:00.004+08:00

woah.
So many things have happened recently.and it made me realised how fragile & unpredictable life is.. anything & anyone can really change overnight.the thought of it give me creeps.but i guess these are all part and parcel of life?after all, its all these shit that we've gone through that make us a stronger person?
life still have to move on no matter what happen, i just feel that sometimes its pointless to brood over matters which do not actually require proper solutions, in the sense solutions will come naturally rather than forcing yourselfto come out with one?somehow it will only make u feel worse.
and im sure all things happen for a reason. stand at a different angle to view things and u'll get to see a clearer picture lor..

sometimes..sometimes..i wonder why we only talk about superficial stuff.and why our friendship only remains and stuck at this level?is it me who has not open up enough or its her..?maybe i think too much?

a part of the clique
apart from the clique?

my dearest is booking out tmr!! yeah man=) i have not been talking to him for like 6 days!?! somehow feel very guilty towards him, cos whenever he calls, i'll always be busy.. sigh.
had not done enough for him?

sorry jingjing!!=( pls dont be angry anymore...
its not that i have my own life and i dont care about u, these things just happen coincidentally, not that i planned it, its really not within my control, not that i don miss u or i don wanna talk to u ok?pls pls dont get the wrong idea.haha but i know u wont be angry for long cos u love me too much already!! lol

my jingjing is gonna be a real man soon. my man=)