i do not have a sad life.

i just wanna rant & complain.

=)

IM DAMN FREAKING ANGRY.

ANGRY WITH MY STJOHN MATES.
ANGRY WITH MY EX CLASSMATES OF THAT IDIOTIC SECONDARY SCHOOL.

ASS

firstly i got left out by SJM. reason they gave me was like C.R.A.P.
"no need call jo'an she's busy with HER student council."
u know what?
they STUPIDLY repeated the same bloody reason even up till now.
WHAT A JOKE.
i graduated alr lor.
brainless
cant they use a better excuse to not call me?
LOSERS.
mega losers (worst TYPE losers defined by yvon)

2ndly i got PS-ed by my sec4 classmates.
tried to be nice by organising a gathering
just a dinner gathering
though it wasnt like planned properly with proposals n protocols
but i msged the WHOLE CLASS = 42 ppl = 42 msg like more than twice.
guess what?
NONE = ZERO = NIL replied
how sad can it get..
got the wrong no?
bullshit
42 wrong nos?
cant be

ass.

i don mind organising.
i don mind.
really.
but if this is what i get in return
i rather be termed MIA by them

im just feeling damn angry, damn sad, damn disappointed right now
but i guess i'll recover soon since i've my lovely regular concillors with me.

someone told me to just focus on the haves n not the haves not.
okay.


im fine.

i cant take it anymore.
i need to release.
im gonna explode alr.

it has been bugging me ever since i recived that call.
no wonder they say ignorance its bliss.
im like so damn agreeing with it la.

fuck

i give u 2 choices?

1. be a clown
2. be forgotten

i choose 1.

at least a clown makes ppl smile.
n at least a clown is PAID!

talk abt openess.

fuck man.

im just damn pissed now.
with who.
with what.

myself. f.

i wanna share.of cos i wanna share.
all these shit that i've been going through.
of cos i wanna share.
but who listens?
listen.yah just listen.
who acts after listening.
nobody.
nobody.
nobody.

maybe only js.
n yah
i told myself that my world shouldnt just revolve around js.
im wrong.

i always make mistakes.

i wanna improve things, change my mentality etc.
but i always come back to square one
a man said," just keep trying until the square becomes a circle.."
what a joke.
i know a square can never becomes a circle.

ass.

i wanna see a rainbow.
i really want.

im just an ordinary girl
n i get satisfied easily.

have been talking to quite a number of great people for the past few days, n wow they got me thinking.alot.
thinking. NOT emo-ing. i realise alot of things, self discovery, n about the people around me. somehow it sets me thinking whether im good enough? n have i given enough? not that i wan people to appreciate me, but rather i want people to feel appreciated by ME! but i dono how to. my actions ALWAYS contradicts the way i think. empty talk? thats what im describing. im not bringing myself down, neither do i feel lousy abt my myself, i just dono how to express my so- called 'love' out to the people ard me?
i do acknowledge myself, but i don have to make it a habit so much so that im loving myself too much n in turn take the people around me for granted. "NO" u replied, but i think n yes im afraid that i'll.
do i have self confidence?i think im building on it n its not IT that is stopping me from growing.
i dono what.
i searching for an answer.n i need,i believe that my friends can help me by TELLING ME how they feel. is it important? yes it is, at least to me it is. many a times, they think their opinions are unimportant,but to a person like ME, i want to know how they feel cos they are important to me! i mean they just don understand it. im not demanding or expecting them to tell me EVERY SINGLE thing, all im requesting is to tell me their opinion of ME!!
i mean rather of thinking that their opinions might somehow somewhat become a burden, why not see it as they matter alot to ME!im not blaming them for not saying out, cos maybe it just me? an issue of trust between them n me?i'll work on it.but like what i always say, it takes two.
well. no harm trying la.
i mean i know i have friends,good friends.best friends. but i really wanna extend this level of friendship that i own..deeper if i dare to dream. but somehow, it got me thinking whats stopping this development? i rmb in pri school, during some moral ed lesson, teacher lim asked, "what makes up the foundation of a true friendship?" honesty?biasedness?give n take?care?concern?
i wonder where do all these values (positive) go to now that we're older?

well. im NOT NOT NOT pinpointing any any of my Friends. uknowiknow. its just my thoughts. my experience now.
don worry, im ok, im not emoing.

i read this somewhere, n i think it very applicable to everyone.

' Because u care does not mean you have to care alone'

jingjing, sorry for not listening (according to ur defn) to what u've to say this 10 months. lols
i'll listen to what u say, let u complain,whine,rant n any other thing u want ok?

who's responsible?
"ME"


loves

heck the results!
care the trip!
going vietnam with jingsheng, xuewei & renkai.
whee
daddy sponsoring me for the trip.maybe half the trip
leaving on the 13th
coming back on the 18th

anyway, my daddy is quite a MCP la.
but he's nice, at least to me=) and my family
he's quite nice to negotiate la i think.

ya. so for those going with him
don be afraid of him ok=)

i miss jingsheng!
n i miss school so much. i miss ny